you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
