Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
