This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
