An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
