i barfeds in our rink
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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