She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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