apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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