These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize