Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
