I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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