CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize