im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
