Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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