Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
