You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
