WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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