I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can text with my tongue
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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