3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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