Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
