lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found a bag of teeth...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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