WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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