Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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