My hand turned me down
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
