I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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