I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to make out with him forever
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
