I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
