i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
