Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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