It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
