Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
