There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
