She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
