Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
