Having a random hookup so left but love u
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
