What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
