I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
