You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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