I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
there is glitter all over my balls
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