There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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