According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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