Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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