This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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