you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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