i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
