That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize