She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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