I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
