I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
