can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
