You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I party with great urgency now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
