And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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