Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
