i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize