Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
