Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
