You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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