i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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