just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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