he wants to bone in the snuggie
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
