i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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