I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why do cheetos always look like penises
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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